Gay Couple Married in Nevada Changes Last Name in Nevada

Hey all,

Thought we'd share this story with you - sent to us by a man who just married his partner in California and convinced Nevada to change his last name.

Enjoy!

--Scott

My husband, Johnny and I were married in Lomita, California July 7, 2008. I never realized how important marriage would be until I was allowed to do it. On Father’s Day, 2008, I asked Johnny’s father, a native Arkansan, for Johnny’s hand in marriage was. I was so scared, but told me long ago decided he’d rather have two sons than lose one and readily accepted me into the family. My dad is involved in a same-sex relationship (that occurred long after I came out at as a teenager), so there was little problem there. My partner Johnny and I were married in California shortly after it became legal. After five years together, it was amazing time; a whirlwind engagement at after a proposal at Red Rock Canyon I gave him a bracelet from Tiffany’s and proposed. When he told me later he thought laughed so hard when he told me that he thought I was going to break up with him and leave him in the desert, because I was so serious Our problems began when I came back to Las Vegas and realized that I wanted to honor Johnny’s family by taking their last name. As you know, Nevada is a DOMA state thanks to the 2002 constitutional amendment. However, the Social Security Administration changed my name based on my marriage certificate with no issue. Encouraged and excited, I went to the Decatur DMV as any heterosexual would to change my name on my license (it says nothing about the marriage certificate having to be an opposite gender marriage certificate. I was met with prejudice and a supervisor, Melinda “Mindy” Kimber, plainly lied to me about how to contact her superiors (she also claimed she ran the branch—a common occurrence here, it seems, as it happened to me twice). Ms. Kimber, from my perspective appeared ecstatic to inform me that Nevada doesn’t recognize same-sex marriage. I pointed out that she was discriminating against me based on sexual orientation because my certificate was legal and fit the DMV’s requirements. When I asked for a person with decision-making power, I was given the name of a woman named Nancy Wojic. However, Ms. Kimber refused to tell me how to contact her., Ms. Kimber told me the DMV didn’t have direct lines and that all calls are routed through their main system. In reality, that system only has recorded messages. Thanks to a sympathetic employee who has a gay brother in MA (and had asked to remain anonymous), I learned that there was a state phone directory that includes all DMV employees. I made many phone calls that day. I talked to Nancy’s Wojic’s assistant, Sandy, who was kind enough to listen sympathetically, calm me down, and give me the name of the Decatur Branch Supervisor, Paul May. I also left a polite message for Ms. Kimber, letting her know I knew she had lied to me completely and I would take every option available to me possible to rectify her unjust behavior. Paul May later called me and apologized for Ms. Kimber’s behavior. I called my Valerie Weiner, my state senator. I received a call back from an Chelsea, an aide in Senator Weiner’s office, a few days later who told me via voicemail and then on the phone that what the DMV did to me was “completely illegal” I also received a call from Thomas Jacobs, of the DMV’s Public Information office, who told me that the DMV is not in the business of deciding whose marriage certificate is legal based on sexual orientation. Mr. Jacobs asked me to wait a few days while the issue was sorted out. However, he soon after left me a voicemail telling me it was okay to go and complete what I had started. I made the mistake of going back to the Decatur DMV and was turned away again, in a way that was so deliberate as to keep me there long enough so I would not be able to call anybody, I was served first by the same person who had served me at the information counter and waited until I saw her the second time (in contrast to being told right away it could not be done, as had happened on my first visit.) that she would not change my name on my license because of the same-sex marriage restriction. I asked to speak with a supervisor again. Instead, I was routed to a tech named Larry, who refused to give his last name. He stated he was the supervisor and the one in charge that day. Having been there before and knowing the chain of command I pointed out that there were supervisors above him and wanted to talk to one of them. He refused to listen to the messages I had from Senator Weiner’s aide and Mr. Jacobs. My partner was with me this time and Larry kept accusing us of treating him rudely when we point out he we felt his actions were discriminatory. Finally, a supervisor, Annette Mahoney (I could only find an “Anita Mahoney” in the state directory), said she would help me. I played her the messages from Senator Weiner’s office and Mr. Jacobs, after which she consulted with her “co-supervisors.” Regardless, and despite my efforts to convince her she would be applauded for doing the right thing, she denied me. We left dispirited, but more determined than ever to see this to conclusion. The next day, I was called directly by Nancy Wojic of the DMV and asked to return for the third time. I went to the Flamingo branch, where she was located and successfully (at last!) went through the process and legally changed my name based on my marriage certificate and a printout with my married name obtained from Social Security. Like my wedding, I felt revised. Despite all the gas, time, and trouble I went through the DMV had no problem charging me for the change. Nancy then asked me what media and outlets I had contacted. Sadly (although thankfully), only Senator Weiner and KNPR returned my calls or emails, including one to the Attorney General’s office in Carson City. I tried calling the Las Vegas branch of the AG’s office, but the woman who picked up the phone cut me off, told me same-sex was illegal and to contact the ACLU if I didn’t like it, and then hung up. Only Senator Weiner and her amazing aide Chelsea) advocated for me. The ACLU said they couldn’t help us because we essentially got what we wanted. What we really want is that crazy amendment struck from the constitution so we can live in peace. I’ve tried contacting many GLBT advocacy agencies, the media, and other outlet to let them know that what I did is possible and to possibly pursue civil action; as of today, I have heard from none. From my perspective, I don’t get why GLBT agencies wouldn’t be excited to disseminate this knowledge more widely Nevada law that allows them to take their partner’s name if they so choose in the same manner heterosexuals do and as long as the SSA continues to cooperate—a right heterosexuals take for granted. I also contacted Q Vegas, and haven’t heard back from them either. I am now contacting major media, but naturally, have little influence in that arena—for now. At any rate, perhaps. I think it’s important information to disseminate to the general public because the more gays hide, the harder it becomes to convince them they deserve the same rights as everyone else. I don’t want to be betrayed by someone like Bill Clinton and his DOMA again. I also think that actions like these give us opportunities to overturn hateful amendments like the one in the Nevada constitution defining marriage as solely a heterosexual union. Also, others may be able to do the same thing in states with DOMA laws. I don’t want my marriage converted to a “separate but equal” civil union unless heterosexual civil marriages are given the same title. I’m not religious and could care less about a religious marriage. The church has always treated me with animadversion, as did most of the people I grew up with, for simply asking them to accept me for who I am. I’ve attached a photo of our wedding, which was nonreligious despite the outfit our “minister” Gaby wore. Although the ceremony was lightning fast from my perspective (apparently it was longer when viewed on video---I haven’t had time to watch it yet. I used to think gay marriage wasn’t important. I now realize that it has completely changed my life and want to do everything I can do make sure my people have the same rights as everyone else. I also think it’s very important to acknowledge that good people at the DMV who treated me with kindness, dignity and equally: the anonymous person who got me started and to let the world know that not every heterosexual is a hateful person. Six years have passed since the amendment and Nevada has grown rapidly. I think it’s high time to revisit this issue. The irony of living in a state that exploits women through prostitution but says marriage (especially in “Sin City”) between same-sex couples is immoral simply leaves me completely and utterly flummoxed. Addendum: I have begun a group on Facebook and Meetup.com called NV FORGE (Fighting Oppressive Resistance to Gender Equality) gayrights.meetup.com/334 The general idea is to build some grassroots support and back up any organization facing oppression on the I’ve got your back if you’ve got mine. As long as we are divided, those with authority will remain in power and little will change. As a transplant to this state, I have come to the conclusion this state is broken and it doesn’t need to be. Zechariah Aloysius Hillyard http://gayrights.meetup.com/334

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